So Hard To Let Go

Is it really possible that 3 weeks have gone by since my dad left us?   Sometimes it seems like he is still at his home in Youville and other times it seems like he has been gone for a long long time.  I suppose it could be because I had been gone for 6 weeks and when I came back I knew he was dying, I had to be the strong  and give him permission to go.  I couldn't let him know how much I would miss him when he was gone. I couldn't let him know how much I would miss playing crib with him.  I wasn't here for the winter so I certainly couldn't ask him to hang on till I got back.  At 93 I know he was more than ready to go although he was so stubborn, if someone had challenged him to stay alive to beat his dad who died at 95, he could have hung in there.  But luckily no one said that.  We all told him it was OK to leave this earth and that old body and go into Jesus's open arms. We told him God had forgiven his sins, all of them because he had accepted Jesus into his heart a few years back. Now he would spend Eternity with God and mom and I and many other of his loved ones would be joining him soon.
Edmonton just won't ever be the same anymore without my 'dad' here. I certainly had not anticipated that I would be having such a hard time letting go.  I'm always talking about how anxious I am to die and go be with Jesus. I'm always saying that as long as the person who died had Jesus as his Lord and Savior, we should be rejoicing and yet though I'm happy for dad, I'm sad for me.  I think God sent me this lesson so I can know a little of what my children will go through when I go... no matter how much I may have tried to prepare them.  I always thought it hurt so much when I lost mom because she never wanted to talk about death and so when she died the pain was indescribable.  I don't want to do that to my kids so I have ''prepared" them just as I 'thought' I was prepared for my dad's death. And yet it doesn't matter how prepared we are.... one can never be prepared for losing someone you love. Yes Lord once again You are teaching me another lesson.
Well I can pray that my kids will never have to know the pain of losing a parent... because Jesus will come take us all away in the Rapture.  Yes Lord, You cannot come too soon as far as I am concerned.
I am ready right now.  And mom and dad will be there waiting ;-) so I only have to learn to let go for a short while. I can do that knowing he is resting in Jesus's arms.